Coffee tragedies - add your tragic coffee stories here...

askthecoffeeguy

Woke up this morning and made myself a coffee and I wondered why the coffee was taking so long to dose - short answer: it wasn't a doserless grinder!

P

Brett H

Bwahahah! Last fortnight I was shaking the drum of the Behmor to remove more chaff post-roast when I bumped the clip holding the lid subsequently spilling a very nice roast into the dirt.

mycuppa

Haha Brett.......I can relate to that Large drum roasters have pneumatic rams for most operations such as doors, loaders, gates, flanges, etc. Just about all green bean hoppers have a flap that is pneumatically operated to allow the beans to enter the drum. To prevent a bean or few being trapped in or around the flap, it's normal to toggle the flap a couple of times after all the beans are in the drum whilst applying a short bit of air. Think of it as a manual "shaker". Ironically, most roaster manufacturers position the load and the eject buttons inconveniently next to each other........for reasons I've never understood. Even worse, the blood emergency stop is like inches from the main buttons (that one has caused grief beyond wasting coffee). When you are rushing and there are just roasted hot beans ejected into the cooling tray, it's important to get the greens for the next batch into the drum asap whilst it's still hot (called fish-tailing). So, you hit the load button, beans drop into the drum whilst the previous batch is still cooling in the tray...........all the green beans drop and you reach back with one hand to hit the load button again so it shakes out the last beans, with your other hand you have hold of the computer's mouse to feverishly set the required burner and speeds....and try to change the afterburner settings to hi fire.......then................bang.....you've accidentally hit the eject button by mistake (because it's right next to the load button and you did not look) all the green coffee dumps into the cooling tray on top of the previous batch's roasted coffee, the stirrers are spinning and you have this terrible sinking hole in your stomach - that's another 2x full batches wasted. Impossible to sort by hand - can't use the destoner, chokes in seconds..........binned around 700kg over the last couple of years........ Lessons learned........stop doing many things at the same time..........serial execution is the only safe way.

mycuppa

I should be careful.......but.......here are some snippets from customers that do "tragic" things with coffee. Lady purchased ESE pods. Despite all the helpful descriptions we provide that she obviously chooses not to read...............calls up angry claiming the coffee does not taste very good. After almost 15 minutes of trying to work out from her what she was trying to do, it seems she was boiling the kettle and placing one of the ESE pods into a large teapot for 4x cups of coffee......from a 7g ESE pod ! She claimed they looked like coffee bags (those filter paper thingies like tea bags). Man purchased plunger ground coffee. He had to physically select the plunger grind option as whole beans are default.........calls up claiming the coffee is defective. Rather unpleasant chap that would not let me get a word in......... Tried to help, but he refused to answer a simple, polite question so I could understand the nature of the problem. Hangs up, calls back 30 mins later demanding to speak to someone else to complain.......hangs up again......this plays out a few times during the afternoon (well, I admit to looking for his number when it popped up on the phone to ensure I answered it). Finally, we get to the bottom of the issue - he read somewhere on the internet that plunger grind was the correct ground for re-filling his re-usable nespresso capsules. No amount of explaining that it was not true would convince him otherwise - because he read it on the internet of course that means it must take precedence.

Brett H

Crikey Jeff... I'm terribly embarrassed to say that I did laugh at your posts but to my credit I was shaking my head chanting no.no.no.no..... 

askthecoffeeguy

on 1517632302:

Bwahahah! Last fortnight I was shaking the drum of the Behmor to remove more chaff post-roast when I bumped the clip holding the lid subsequently spilling a very nice roast into the dirt.

OMG where's the 'like' button!

askthecoffeeguy

on 1517695685:

I should be careful.......but.......here are some snippets from customers that do "tragic" things with coffee. Lady purchased ESE pods. Despite all the helpful descriptions we provide that she obviously chooses not to read...............calls up angry claiming the coffee does not taste very good. After almost 15 minutes of trying to work out from her what she was trying to do, it seems she was boiling the kettle and placing one of the ESE pods into a large teapot for 4x cups of coffee......from a 7g ESE pod ! She claimed they looked like coffee bags (those filter paper thingies like tea bags). Man purchased plunger ground coffee. He had to physically select the plunger grind option as whole beans are default.........calls up claiming the coffee is defective. Rather unpleasant chap that would not let me get a word in......... Tried to help, but he refused to answer a simple, polite question so I could understand the nature of the problem. Hangs up, calls back 30 mins later demanding to speak to someone else to complain.......hangs up again......this plays out a few times during the afternoon (well, I admit to looking for his number when it popped up on the phone to ensure I answered it). Finally, we get to the bottom of the issue - he read somewhere on the internet that plunger grind was the correct ground for re-filling his re-usable nespresso capsules. No amount of explaining that it was not true would convince him otherwise - because he read it on the internet of course that means it must take precedence.

yep, for some people google is king despite all of the evidence to the contrary !

Simon

Ah wowza, some crackers in there XD. That's a rough one Jeff! Haven't had too many, but had one a couple of months ago: I was putting the beans from the hopper back into their bag, and it was all a BLUR from this point, but the bag is all of a sudden rolling over and tipping almost all the beans down into the gap between my grinder bench and the oven!!! I think the expression on my face was not dissimilar to this: [emoji15] I tried to salvage as many as I could, scooped up alot of them, put them in my roast cooling sieve, and ran the fan full blast (to blow away any of the inevitable hair that they picked up...), but to be honest I reckon some of them must have surely picked up some oils or something from the ground due to splatters from the stovetop... The ones that went under the oven I just made the executive decision to bin, it was a bit filthy under there haha.. I think I lost about 100grams all up (not too bad I guess.. lucky I put my three roast batches in separate bags), but still.. dagnabbit! Put them in separate bag labelled "Dropped!!!", and I put it at the bottom of the one way valve bag to be consumed last... I thought I'd get distinct notes of bacon and eggs in that batch, but alas I did not haha [emoji6]

askthecoffeeguy

on 1517729901:

Ah wowza, some crackers in there XD. That's a rough one Jeff! Put them in separate bag labelled "Dropped!!!", and I put it at the bottom of the one way valve bag to be consumed last... I thought I'd get distinct notes of bacon and eggs in that batch, but alas I did not haha [emoji6]

Wow that's too funny! Off topic slightly but I was cleaning a bar at the end of a long shift one night and I accidentally knocked over a bottle of Hennessey XO - couldn't put it back on the bottle so I used it to polish the marble surface! It was the cleanest that the bar had ever been plus it smelt amazing! P

Brett H

on 1517737094:

Wow that's too funny! Off topic slightly but I was cleaning a bar at the end of a long shift one night and I accidentally knocked over a bottle of Hennessey XO - couldn't put it back on the bottle so I used it to polish the marble surface! It was the cleanest that the bar had ever been plus it smelt amazing! P

That hurts... I love that stuff!

askthecoffeeguy

Yep... I'm a pretty big fan myself!

Koffee_Kosmo

I have used large doser grinders for years One day I ground coffee to make a cup and got a couple of phone calls Went back after the last conversation had finished Then I got another call —- while on that call I decided to multi task Forgetting that I already groud coffee And a double tragedy occurred I placed the second lot of coffee to be ground in the doser instead of the hopper Chunky Grounds anyone KK

askthecoffeeguy

on 1517897424:

I have used large doser grinders for years One day I ground coffee to make a cup and got a couple of phone calls Went back after the last conversation had finished Then I got another call —- while on that call I decided to multi task Forgetting that I already groud coffee And a double tragedy occurred I placed the second lot of coffee to be ground in the doser instead of the hopper Chunky Grounds anyone KK

OMG too funny! I once paid five bucks for an espresso of civot coffee and it was burnt to the buggery and undrinkable That' was a coffee tragedy!

Simon

on 1517897424:

I have used large doser grinders for years One day I ground coffee to make a cup and got a couple of phone calls Went back after the last conversation had finished Then I got another call —- while on that call I decided to multi task Forgetting that I already groud coffee And a double tragedy occurred I placed the second lot of coffee to be ground in the doser instead of the hopper Chunky Grounds anyone KK

Ahhh no good KK! It's always so surprising when that sorta thing happens too, you sort of stop and try to take in what just happened XD

on 1517911773:

OMG too funny! I once paid five bucks for an espresso of civot coffee and it was burnt to the buggery and undrinkable That' was a coffee tragedy!

Ahhh a shame, what a waste hehe

Simon

Ah back in the day with my old machine and grinder combo, when it took 10 whole minutes just to make a double espresso... (perfect grind/dose routine, temp surfing etc) and I finally made one, one wrong turn and I nipped the rim of the cup.. whole espresso all over the table.... :S Staaaaart again!

Lwowiak

While roasting a batch of expensive beans (about $30/kg), I was called away by my daughter. Returned to the garage to find said beans at post second crack stage......... Lesson learnt. 800g thrown out and the Turbo Oven needed an intense clean. I never walk away from a roast.

Simon

on 1517964588:

While roasting a batch of expensive beans (about $30/kg), I was called away by my daughter. Returned to the garage to find said beans at post second crack stage......... Lesson learnt. 800g thrown out and the Turbo Oven needed an intense clean. I never walk away from a roast.

Ahhh no good Stan, yes I've heard a few of these stories and it's enough to keep me stuck at the roaster (although sometimes wander off for the first 5-10 minutes as it's usually safe hehe)

Brett H

So with a kilo of Stan's lovely beans in the kkto I get a call from the neighbour for a 'quick' chat.  I'm often too polite and I'll not recount much more suffice to say I've discovered a new crack.  It belongs to the next person who interrupts me while roasting and I'll insert the burnt beans with adroit precision :D

Simon

on 1521326953:

So with a kilo of Stan's lovely beans in the kkto I get a call from the neighbour for a 'quick' chat.  I'm often too polite and I'll not recount much more suffice to say I've discovered a new crack.  It belongs to the next person who interrupts me while roasting and I'll insert the burnt beans with adroit precision :D

HAHAHAHA!

askthecoffeeguy

on 1517972662:

Ahhh no good Stan, yes I've heard a few of these stories and it's enough to keep me stuck at the roaster (although sometimes wander off for the first 5-10 minutes as it's usually safe hehe)

I was roasting in the shed the other day and got called away to answer nature's call and when I returned several minutes later the rust was at rolling first crack but I managed to drop temp and coast for a bit before cooling and fortunately it turned out beautiful!

Simon

on 1521441407:

I was roasting in the shed the other day and got called away to answer nature's call and when I returned several minutes later the rust was at rolling first crack but I managed to drop temp and coast for a bit before cooling and fortunately it turned out beautiful!

Ah beautiful, love when those fortunate accidents happen. Like when prepping your shot, and severely knocking the portafilter against something accidently, but somehow getting a ripper shot out of it XD

askthecoffeeguy

on 1521458171:

Ah beautiful, love when those fortunate accidents happen. Like when prepping your shot, and severely knocking the portafilter against something accidently, but somehow getting a ripper shot out of it XD

or as happened to me last week when the equipment you're using hasn't been serviced ever and the touch pads have stopped working and the water line is leaking but you use the manual override and still manage to pull out some ripper shots anyway !

Simon

on 1521530769:

or as happened to me last week when the equipment you're using hasn't been serviced ever and the touch pads have stopped working and the water line is leaking but you use the manual override and still manage to pull out some ripper shots anyway !

Haha ah wow that's some serious skills right there ;D

Brett H

hmm... leaking water-line, suspect touch pads, electricity, metal... what could go wrong........

askthecoffeeguy

on 1521628841:

hmm... leaking water-line, suspect touch pads, electricity, metal... what could go wrong........

has since been fixed. problem was with touch pads and blocked water line plus loose pump and leaking water line plus damaged flow meters but apart from that it's now working fine!

Brett H

on 1521809301:

has since been fixed. problem was with touch pads and blocked water line plus loose pump and leaking water line plus damaged flow meters but apart from that it's now working fine!

Crikey... one imagines the maintenance police are ready to make an arrest :D

_maatt_

No words needed.

Simon

on 1522285274:

No words needed.

Uggghh! Truly a coffee tragedy Matt XD

Brett H

buggar!

askthecoffeeguy

on 1522285274:

No words needed.

The problem with this scenario as I see it is that you need coffee to prevent if from happening in the first place and to fix it so its kinds of FUBAR no matter how you look at it! Pat

_maatt_

on 1522370570:

The problem with this scenario as I see it is that you need coffee to prevent if from happening in the first place and to fix it so its kinds of FUBAR no matter how you look at it! Pat

Exactly right! [emoji23] From memory, I put the empty milk jug on something uneven, then knocked over the coffee I'd just poured attempting to save it 🤦‍♂️