Coffee Humor Thread * add the fun stuff here*

Koffee_Kosmo

You bosses out there take note
Espresso is better than instant  :D

KK

Koffee_Kosmo

Could not resist this one KK

askthecoffeeguy

It may be a bit antiquated and slightly American but I think you get the point!       78 Ways to know if you drink too much coffee...   1. You answer the door before people knock.   2. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.   3. The only kitchen appliances you own are made by Mr. Coffee.   4. You ski uphill.   5. You get a tax cut for all the coffee you bought.   6. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.   7. You speed walk in your sleep.   8. You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."   9. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.  10. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.  11. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.  12. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.  13. You sleep with your eyes open.  14. When you open your dish cabinet, and there is only mugs.  15. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.  16. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.  17. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.  18. You lick your coffeepot clean.  19. You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."  20. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.  21. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.  22. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.  23. Your coffee cake, must have coffee in it.  24. You chew on other people's fingernails.  25. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."  26. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.  27. You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.  28. The only gift you get for Valentines Day you get chocolate covered beans.  29. You can jump-start your car without cables.  30. All your kids are named "Joe".  31. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."  32. You don't sweat, you percolate.  33. You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.  34. You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.  35. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.  36. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.  37. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.  38. Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.  39. Every shirt or blouse you own has a coffee stain on it.  40. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.  41. People get dizzy just watching you.  42. You've worn the finish off your coffee table.  43. The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.  44. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.  45. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio and people test their batteries in your ears.  46. Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.  47. Instant coffee takes too long.  48. When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."  49. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.  50. You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.  51. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.  52. Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.  53. You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.  54. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.  55. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.  56. You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."  57. You get drunk just so you can sober up.  58. You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.  59. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.  60. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.  61. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.  62. You can jump to the moon.  63. You short out motion detectors.  64. You have a conniption over spilled milk.  65. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.  66. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.  67. You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.  68. You don't tan, you roast.  69. You don't get mad, you get steamed.  70. Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.  71. Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.  72. You can't even remember your second cup.  73. You help your dog chase its tail.  74. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.  75. Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.  76. You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.  77. You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."  78. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

admin

[edit] 20. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.[/edit] I like this one -A ;D

Koffee_Kosmo

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done !!  :D

admin

Hi KK - good idea to bring this back; still love ACG's 78 ways to know you've had too much [above]! A

DoubleRistretto

hi guys - not exactly a 'joke' but quite a humorous article: http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/no-i-dont-want-doggy-breath-with-my-capuccino-20100527-wh4e.html

Koffee_Kosmo

You have to read this ebay add I haven't laughed so hard in ages You have to read it to believe it and its all real http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/My-ex-Brother-in-Laws-shit-record-collection-/290570522953?pt=UK_Records&hash=item43a75a5149 KK

admin

ha, ha - it's pretty funny A

admin

actually, while we're at it take a look at this: ...I don't often say this, but if you don't do anything else all day, try & make sure you get a chance to take a look! A

Dry_bean.

on 1306631058:

actually, while we're at it take a look at this:   ...I don't often say this, but if you don't do anything else all day, try & make sure you get a chance to take a look! A

Great video Admin, some people are very creative, and obviously have well trained dogs. ;D

admin

yes, hesitated because it's obviously not coffee-related, but have to say it's the funniest thing I've seen in a long time! :D

Koffee_Kosmo

I liked this one

admin

on 1225693186:

It may be a bit antiquated and slightly American but I think you get the point!        78 Ways to know if you drink too much coffee...   1. You answer the door before people knock.   2. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.   3. The only kitchen appliances you own are made by Mr. Coffee.   4. You ski uphill.   5. You get a tax cut for all the coffee you bought.   6. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.   7. You speed walk in your sleep.   8. You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."   9. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.  10. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.  11. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.  12. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.  13. You sleep with your eyes open.  14. When you open your dish cabinet, and there is only mugs.  15. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.  16. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.  17. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.  18. You lick your coffeepot clean.  19. You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."  20. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.  21. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.  22. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.  23. Your coffee cake, must have coffee in it.  24. You chew on other people's fingernails.  25. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."  26. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.  27. You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.  28. The only gift you get for Valentines Day you get chocolate covered beans.  29. You can jump-start your car without cables.  30. All your kids are named "Joe".  31. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."  32. You don't sweat, you percolate.  33. You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.  34. You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.  35. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.  36. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.  37. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.  38. Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.  39. Every shirt or blouse you own has a coffee stain on it.  40. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.  41. People get dizzy just watching you.  42. You've worn the finish off your coffee table.  43. The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.  44. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.  45. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio and people test their batteries in your ears.  46. Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.  47. Instant coffee takes too long.  48. When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."  49. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.  50. You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.  51. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.  52. Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.  53. You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.  54. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.  55. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.  56. You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."  57. You get drunk just so you can sober up.  58. You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.  59. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.  60. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.  61. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.  62. You can jump to the moon.  63. You short out motion detectors.  64. You have a conniption over spilled milk.  65. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.  66. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.  67. You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.  68. You don't tan, you roast.  69. You don't get mad, you get steamed.  70. Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.  71. Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.  72. You can't even remember your second cup.  73. You help your dog chase its tail.  74. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.  75. Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.  76. You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.  77. You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."  78. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

have to say, this is from a while ago, but had another look & it still cracks me up... ;D

DoubleRistretto

that's great AM ;D ;D

Koffee_Kosmo

on 1307157013:

I like the MSDS for coffee (Attachment in limbo - ADMIN will correct)

on 1307231394:

that's great AM ;D ;D

And here I was sipping a nice coffee Waiting, waiting, waiting for the attachment to be posted   ::) :P :P :P KK

DoubleRistretto

on 1225693186:

78 Ways to know if you drink too much coffee...   1. You answer the door before people knock.  10. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.  12. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.  13. You sleep with your eyes open.  20. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.  22. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.  23. Your coffee cake, must have coffee in it.  35. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.  36. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.  53. You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.  54. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.  60. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.  64. You have a conniption over spilled milk.    73. You help your dog chase its tail.  78. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

my personal faves... and this one 47. Instant coffee takes too long.] if instant was actually coffee dR  8)

admin

on 1307247491:

Check the earlier post out...  Now working.. Here are a few others..

thanks KK - gotta love Larson!!

Koffee_Kosmo

Thought it was about time for a little laughter again Tea Time Skinny Dipping anyone Makes you want to shed your clothes and jump in a big cup of tea don

Koffee_Kosmo

How about this one ?

beanflying

on 1310632640:

How about this one ?

That works for me  ;D Serious issues with having a brain spasm caused by the heat however 

beanflying

Watch out you two behemoth milk sellers you might be next for a visit from Cows with Guns. It's a few years old but well worth a watch  http://youtu.be/FQMbXvn2RNI

DoubleRistretto

this one's been around for a while - still pretty good tho

Koffee_Kosmo

Have you ever seen placement of stickers on products Have a look at these KK

Koffee_Kosmo

A couple more funny ones For the Decaf crowd KK

Koffee_Kosmo

Now for something completely different KK

admin

hi guys - been a shooting at a local cafe [hey, it all happens in Adelaide] : http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/shooting-in-north-adelaide/story-e6frea6u-1226225297055 only reason I put it up in the 'humour' thread, is that there used to be a coffee 'headline' pun thread, and thought the headline in the local paper was pretty good: 'Caffeine Hit' A

beanflying

The only question is do we tell them  :rofl:

derrilex

Mmmmm, salty :laugh:

Koffee_Kosmo

This came up during conversation with a few members the other day It belongs here - for sure

derrilex

Gold.